My Grandma is a mermaid,
No-one knows but me,
I first found out last summer,
When she took me in the sea.

At first she looked quite normal,
Two legs, ten toes, two knees,
But when she dived under water,
I couldn’t quite believe.

Her legs became a tail,
Her feet one giant fin,
They shimmered sparkly and purple,
And boy could Grandma swim.

She dived down deep then jumped up high,
She whirled and turned and splashed,
‘Hey Grandma please be careful,
Your perm is getting trashed.’

She said if I’m a good girl,
And eat up all my greens,
One day I’ll be a mermaid too,
Because I have magic genes.

My uncle is a monkey,
Just like the ones in trees,
I first found out one Sunday,
When I saw his hairy knees.

‘Why are your knees so hairy?’
I asked as bold as brass,
‘Well if you think they’re hairy,
You should see my hairy…ears’.

He shimmied up a flagpole,
Then leapt into a tree,
Suddenly he was out of sight,
High in the canopy.

‘I wish I could climb like you Uncle,’
I shouted up the trunk.
‘You can! You’ll find it easy,
I’ll come give you a bunk.’

We swung right to the treetops,
It wasn’t even scary,
Now I won’t have to ask again,
Why Uncles are so hairy.

My Grandpa is a wizard,
It’s really quite bizarre,
I first found out one weekend,
When we were in his car.

We sped around a corner,
We nearly hit a tree!
I didn’t like to mention,
But I don’t think he could see.

In town we drove so slowly,
While he looked for a store,
A sign clearly said one way street,
Which Grandpa did ignore.

When we drove back home again,
He tuned the radio to news,
Now I’m not fully certain,
But I think he took a snooze.

So why is he a wizard?
Well it must be down to magic,
That he’s allowed to drive at all,
When the man’s clearly a hazard.


My Dog
My dog is an alien,
No one knows but me,
I found out last school holiday,
When I saw him up a tree.

Now dogs don’t climb, even I know that,
And it definitely wasn’t our cat,
I saw his purple name tag,
I saw his empty mat.

His ears turned to antennas,
His nose started to flash,
And then there was this buzzing sound,
From his dog bone stash.

The ground started to tremble,
The bones spun round and round,
They turned into a spacecraft,
That lifted off the ground!

So when I see him sniffing,
And peeing up a tree,
I know it’s a coded signal,
To his alien family.